I think about many things while washing dishes every night. Requiring as it does a few moments of undisturbed attention in the otherwise a hectic after-work routine of making dinner, cleaning up, playing with the kids, bathing them, and wrestling them into bed, it’s a good time for thinking. Most of what I think about … Continue reading Better than My Own
I’ve noticed that articles of wives complaining about their husbands have been gaining in popularity, with some going viral, so I figured I’d save Christine the terrible hassle of listing all of my faults, writing an article about them, and publishing it in a national newspaper (or instagram) and do it myself. It’s a long … Continue reading Everything My Wife Hates about Me
Stay up late enough, past The Late Show, past the The Late, Late Show, and television changes. Except Sportscenter, which is a universal constant. For one, every commercial is for an adult hotline or male enhancer. And the Science Channel switches over to the hard stuff, the histories of chemistry and the explanations of Quantum … Continue reading Not a Morning Person
Everything changes when Christine goes out of town. Cook dinner? Nah, let’s go to McDonald’s. Clear the counter? I’m the only one who uses it anyway. Clean up? It can wait until 30 minutes before she gets back. Go to bed? Might as well let the kids stay up so they fall asleep faster. Do … Continue reading When Mama’s Away…
When I was a kid, you did not want to mix up your adverbs and adjectives around me. Forget to the put the -ly on an adverb and you were sure to hear a swift rebuke. Heaven help you if you ever split an infinitive or uttered a double negative. If we could hear commas, … Continue reading Confessions of a Grammar Nazi
People watching is easy. You find a spot with a good view and you start staring. The difficulty comes when you don’t want anyone to know what you are doing, when you don’t want to be the creepy guy ogling strangers like they’re a car wreck on the side of the road. So you’re stuck … Continue reading What’s Wrong With People Watching?
If social media is cocaine for our connection-addicted psyches, then those of us with social anxiety are the ones smoking crack. The addiction is instant, the highs are half as long, and the punishments twice as harsh. We crave it, but we can’t handle it. We know it’s dangerous, but we keep coming back for … Continue reading Antisocial Crack